Awkward.

Awkward.

The most cliched overused platitude known to millenials. I kinda understand why, this word as has been linked,affliated with various adolescent oriented scenarios in our lives. It fits perfectly. The stillness of the air,the unpassing moment of silence that pleads to be filled, its just awkward. It passes of for every unfavourable event that you'd wish to define subtly with negative undertones coupled by the absence of a strong emphasize. Taking pride in abstaining from the very absurdity of alleged commited relationships has taken its toll on me, back then i was just a naive little thing, trying not to let my guard down to prevent myself from experiencing that abysmally painful agony that i've witnessed my friends enduring. Relationships. And yet here i am,after an eon absent from commitment or 'fraternizing' in a complete and absolute dilemma.Seeing someone and having beads of perspiration on your temples and palms and attempting to casually glance everywhere but directly towards this person. Everything feels ridiculously awkward in general to the point where im nauseated. You get jumpy and fidgety and insecure and self-conscious, all i wanted was for the ground to swallow me up. I wanted to sprint, but my shoes werent much of a loyal aid. But seeing him was good. The butterflies doubled but it they weren't trying to get out. The shortness of breath heightened but the air was still in my lungs,my limbs were failing on me but i didn't trip. It's the near misses that excites you and yet still make things awkward.

Here i am. Still trying to figure things out. Rationality and i are having strenuous internal disputes. Let you know once that happens ha ha ha