Expectation is the root of all heartache

I walked into it with ease, oblivious to the fact that hopefulness is akin to disappointment. Haven't you heard? Expectations is the root of all heartache. Constantly reminding myself that self manufactured charms and wit isn't gonna make the cut, there's more to it than that. Why? Because one's worthiness is validated upon one's scholastic glory. This parochial mentality still exists and is being cultivated with every generation,despite the anomalies there is in it. Reprising my role as a victim, is deadly. Not once but twice. Sustaining this myopic mindset is just gonna pick on everyone's wounds to be honest, you know it and i know it. At the end of the day, im tempted to languidly nestle under the duvet ,soak in the warmth of it with a battered copy of  Sheldon's web entangled thriller, willingly letting myself roam freely drunken the delirium of a fictional anecdote. I refuse to be dubbed as the pariah within this field and only acknowledged upon physicalities. Feels cheap, tacky almost, like latex. Capitulating into hysterical sobs seems carthatic as of now but i can barely bring myself to even feign vexation even towards trivial matters that used to rile me up into volcanic proportions. Not anymore. There is a certain numbness one experience upon living in a constant cycle of self disappointment. Disappointment that other thrives upon, they breathe upon your downfalls and revived at the sight of your losses. Its funny, because it builds up a certain climax, coupled by mounting anticipation, with a hint of optimism and only then you're catapulted into reality and the actuality of it hits you hard with every pang. All your endeavours are deemed paltry

But i have the upperhand, to choose whether or not i am fit for this life where i'd soak in my earthly woes and count my palette of qualms or strive for a better day. The latter would be ideal isn't it? Easier said than done but its worth an attempt.